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In the past few days, the inner tension within me reached its highest point. I am aware that everything that has happened is reshaping my entire life — everything, as I once perceived it. My mind kept trying to draw lines connecting who I was before to who I am now. It doesn’t work. I feel like a dog shaking off water from its fur — wanting to shake all of this off. Even the desires and dreams that once lived within me do not look the same anymore. I cannot see them as I did before. It is simply not possible. 

What has happened has transformed it all. They do not fit into my present. There is no need for them to exist in the way they once did. My perception has shifted so profoundly in just these few weeks that I myself cannot yet fully grasp it. Right now, I know absolutely nothing. And I do not need to know. That is why the mind creates tension — because it struggles to accept that everything has changed. I know only one thing: nothing from before is possible anymore, and nothing from before is necessary. 

And strangely, I am at peace with my “I don’t know.” It is the reality of this moment. And it feels almost sacred — as strange as that may sound. Because it is my permission for something new to open within me. And right now, that is immeasurable.

01.12.2025.