...

My feelings right now… I am holding on — and at the same time trying not to. A space between holding and allowing. A struggle? Perhaps. But this time I cannot win anything at all. It simply isn’t possible. All I can do is observe my human — watch how it unfolds within me — and hope that at some point the human will begin to observe as well. And then all of this will simply stop on its own, having lost its need to exist.

Yes, it is strange to see the human from the outside. My own human facet. This is not about anyone else. How fragile it is, and at the same time wildly powerful in its forgetting and limitation. Ready, in pain and suffering, to destroy itself — to bring the entire universe to its knees in the desire to obtain something the mind believes is necessary. But is it truly needed? With superhuman grip it holds on, just to keep from allowing. So strange. If it hadn’t already become so tiresome it almost makes me sick, it might even be funny.

15.12.2024.